Thursday, March 3, 2011

Looking Back and Facing Forward

This has been a week of worry followed by rejoicing. A welcome letter came yesterday from a client of many decades ago reminding me of the God, Janus, the powerful Roman God of gates, doors, beginnings, endings, and time. What a talented guy. He could see both ways, it seems.

As I sat on pins and needles waiting for the results of a blood test for my dog Kodibear (whose name is in the title of this blog) I felt terrified that the results would be positive that the radical hair loss on his ten year old tail meant he had canine Cushing’s disease, not a happy diagnosis. Was it a genetic defect of his special heritage (half Siberian Husky, half traveling salesman)?

What would I do without my big mush-pot guard dog?Would I even want to live here on this remote hilltop?

Were she still alive, what would Lee say, for after all he was her special love and constant shadow the last six years of her life?

I tried to wait patiently seven whole days for the results. Finally the doggie dermatologist called. “Negative!” Suddenly a big rock was lifted from my chest. The hair loss on his tail is completely cosmetic. It looks pretty bizarre, but since he does not care, neither do I. We can grow older and balder together.

Suddenly I was able to read, write, and paint again. I had denied to myself that the anxiety was what had immobilized me.

So now I’m madly getting paintings ready for the two day annual show at my gym March 12 and 13. I’ve scrounged the cabinet drawers sorting possibilities from rejects. So far I have 57 matted and ready to go and I’m not even to the bottom of the pile.

Whereas I’ve never painted a picture of Janus, I did include in the for-sale stack the painting above of a statue of a very happy God (anonymous to me) which l painted near the beach on my first trip to Bali.

He’ll remain nameless for now, but he matches my mood.

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