37 last night, and it feels like winter has arrived. The Japanese maples in my front and back yard have just a smattering of leaves left. Soon my gutters will need a good blowout. I had a quiet day at home yesterday, working hard to be grateful when I actually felt little gratitude for the ongoing pain in my ribs. It seems so bizarre that my lung cancer is not growing and causes me no pain, whereas my broken ribs seem to hurt incessantly. I took an Alleve with food last night at midnight ad it made me nauseous, so mostly today I am just loafing and catching up with lost sleep. Were she still living, yesterday would have been my 60th anniversary with Lee. Not many of us get to celebrate 51 years together.
The photo is of a leaf I painted last week for a Thanksgiving card.
Oh yes. I am truly grateful for your friendship. dear reader.

Progress by Baby Steps

This week I have experienced progress in my journey to getting back to independence since my hospitalization. My legs no longer feel like old wet rubber bands and I can walk a little with just a cane, instead of a walker. I have cut my caregivers down to ten hours a day instead of 24, and this Sunday I'm going to try my first day all alone.. Though I doubt I can consider the one million womens march in Washington, this dab of progress helps me to focus on something else than Trump.
One day this week the thermometer on the deck measured 35, and my succulents are shivering. Today with Monica's help I went to the nursery and bought six cyclamen, which I will attempt to paint on Sunday. Meanwhile the falling leaves from the maples are making a thicker and thicker carpet. Here is a picture of some just before they fell.

A jumble....

Like the Japanese maple in my back yard my feelings since Tuesday are a jumble. Never having lived in the midwest or the South, I find the mentality of the electorate incomprehensible. My head tells me all these leaves will soon fall and next spring will be replaced by new green growth. But for me, I feel such deep personal sadness, and know medically I will not be around to see any of the changes I thought were coming. In a way I,m glad I wont see what happens to the supreme court, or planned parenthood, or the dreams of little girls.
Many of my married lesbian friends fear their marriages will be overturned. Anything is possible, I fear.
On the plus side, Hillary's, Obama and Elizabeth Warren's comments have been full of grace, a grace this writer does not yet embrace.

Desparate

Still at home with full time caregivers who pamper me night and day. But its hard not to glue my eyes to the election polls, looking more and more scary. My friend Nancy in Denver writes she thinks Trump will win, even though he is not liked, because the Clintons are so lacking in trust. That's driving me crazy. Is most of the  country crazy? I wonder what Lucy would say? (photo of my friend Jan J at the booth.)